Unfortunately, when my son was diagnosed with Autism(severe, non-verbal) on January 5th, 2011 at the age of 20 months, his diagnosis didn't come with a superhero cape for me and A. Gosh, I sure wish it would have because things would have been a little bit easier having super powers and all.
Today is World Autism Awareness Day and it's a day we recognize by wearing blue, shining a blue porch light, and wearing blue bracelets we had made last year. Many of our friends and family do the same to show their support not only for our family, but for every family living with ASD. We feel so blessed to be surrounded by caring, loving, and understanding people and we also recognize that there is a whole world out there that doesn't understand. For this reason, we raise as much awareness as possible during the month of April... but we really try to educate people any time we get a chance.
Anyway, back to the superhero cape. I think many special needs parents get comments like, "I don't know how you do it.", "I could never do what you do!", "You are amazing and so strong!". Sound familiar, friends? While these compliments can be encouraging, I'm here to tell you that I'm no superhero. This diagnosis didn't come with a shiny cape that magically turned me into "Super Mom". I just did what any parent would do, what you would do- I did what needed to be done. I made the phone calls. I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning researching therapies, therapists, programs, and any information I could get my hands on. I filled out piles and piles of paperwork. I rarely got a good night of sleep. I quickly turned into a case manager, an advocate, and lost a little bit of my sanity along the way. Our schedule was crazy trying to fit in all of the therapies and doctor appointments, but I did what anyone else would do- I figured it out. Any one of you would do the same- I promise. All of you would find the strength to do it- I know it.
I feel like my son's diagnosis brought out the best in me, even though it was the most difficult time of my life thus far. I didn't realize I had so much strength because I never had to dig down so deep within myself before. Everyone will have a moment or time in their life when they need to dig down deep, and it will change them forever. His diagnosis was my moment. Without it, he wouldn't be in the best program, seeing the best doctors, or making awesome progress.
What I'm trying to say is that although I face unique challenges that many other parents do not, I'm really no different. I'm a mom trying to make the best choices for my family- just like you do every day. I'm a mom who loves my kiddos unconditionally. I'm a mom who rejoices when my kids hit milestones- no matter how small it seems or how long it takes. I'm a mom that need support. I'm a mom who sometimes needs a "time out" for coffee or Target runs. Ok, coffee AND Target- who am I kidding? I'm a mom who knows any other mom would do the same when faced with this diagnosis or some other kind of challenge.
We're all just moms trying to do the right thing. The best thing. Sometimes the best thing or the right thing for my family isn't necessarily the best or right thing for yours. That's ok. I'm the only one that knows what is best for my family and it's unique situation, just as you are the expert on your family's needs.
There is no room for judgement in my book, which is something that I've had to deal with since my son's ASD diagnosis. The stares at the mall, the comments from uneducated or unaware people, the people who think my son is just a "brat" that gets whatever he wants... not knowing he can't speak or communicate, which leads to his meltdowns that are sometimes unstoppable. Not knowing the rigid routine we must always follow in order to keep him calm and happy. Not knowing how much work it is just to get him to eat because of his feeding and texture issues. Not knowing that he rarely sleeps through the night, and neither do we. Not knowing the medical issues we face in addition to his ASD. Not knowing the financial hardships of having this diagnosis, as most therapies are not covered by insurance companies. Not knowing how exhausting it can be to keep his schedule straight and get his entire team to work together and be on the same page. Not knowing how badly I want him to say "I love you" or "Mommy"... or just anything at all. Not knowing the amount of patience and understanding we need in order to face each day, and that sometimes that leads us to make choices that some parents may frown upon ("do what ya gotta do to keep him happy moments").
Next time you're out in public and you find yourself judging another mom, take a moment to really think about what she could be dealing with. Take a minute to ask her if she needs help, or just give her a supportive smile as you walk by. As a community of moms, we should be encouraging each other instead of judging each other. We should be supporting each other and using our unique experiences to help others along this road of motherhood. This teaches your children an important life lesson when they see you offering support and encouragement when it would be easy to judge someone instead.
Lastly, I just want to shout out to the world that my kids are amazing! Speedy is the most determined little man I know and has gone through so much in his 4 years of life. He has taught me more in his young life than I ever imagined he would. He works extremely hard and is making great progress- always surprising us along the way. His twin sister also deserves to be celebrated today- she is so understanding and caring when her needs sometimes get put on the back burner. I'm sure it's not easy for her, because it's not easy for me. She's going to be his best advocate when she can fully understand the scope of his needs... I just know it.
We're "Lighting It Up Blue" today for our family, but also for every other awesome family dealing with ASD. If you made it to the end of this post, you ROCK! :)
